How many times have you gone out to a party and they have assumed that, because you were being nice, you were coming on?
And how many times have you had to say that you were not interested in having anything with a person and he has not stopped insisting until you have taken the trick that you have a partner?
Why do they only leave you alone if they know you ‘belong’ to someone else?
Our notions of flirting aren’t exactly the best. But what if that could change? What if we could party and flirt well?
That was the goal that Shane Purbeck, the sexologist behind the sex education platform , set for herself.
In her first year as executive director of the Punto Morea (Purple Point) in London, she not only carried out the project so that Aste Nagusia 2022 (the Big Week) would have a safe space, but also went further by uniting it with the dissemination of sex education.
“There have always been tents that have promoted free relationships, the prevention of STIs, HIV, but there has never been sex education at Point Morea. Yes disclosure or campaigns related to feminism, but never sex education as such, “says the sexologist.
Its stand, a mix of colors that sweeps Instagram these days for being one of the most photographed corners of the jaias, is not only a meeting point for women of all ages, some of whom come out of curiosity and with a firm conviction others.
“Wait, I’m coming with my granddaughter,” says a lady speaking with one of the technicians in equality at Punto Morea.
Another tells her daughter, while they put on one of the bracelets that have been designed for the campaign (which has the writing ‘Only if it is yes’), that no one should touch her without her consent.
It is also a welcome place so that, as Shane herself tells us, other feminist associations approach to promote sorority with any collaboration.
But, how does getting a position at popular parties help us flirt better?
In addition to the sexual education workshops that are being taught in the different neighbourhoods of London, accompanying the action, the stand is in itself a declaration of intent.
«First of flirting, take note: Yes it is a wish. It is not a limit », says one of the walls where the partygoers are photographed the most.
“There must be a Purple Dot because things always happen,” says the sexologist. “We try to prevent them, but we cannot expect violence to disappear if there is no basic education.”
That is why its stand, in the heart of London’s festivities, is so impressive: «The ‘no means no’ campaigns remain scarce and are based on denial. There is no background on how to learn to relate better».
“Respect, healthy dating, consent, limits and desires ” are the focus of the messages, from sexual education, which appear both at the point (in Basque and translated into English and Spanish) and on the bracelets they distribute.
Others of them are « Myself does not have enough strength, I do not need to add that I have a partner», «The limits I set are to respect myself, not to offend you» and « Without affective responsibility I do not play».
«The proposal was to get to the root of the problem. We need education in how we relate. It’s no use telling us like this you can’t relate. We have to teach how we can do it well and beautifully », says the expert.
Any of the tips to flirt at a party -or anywhere- that they give at the stand?
«How can we say yes to something through assertive communication, conquer ourselves in a healthy way respecting what others want, how can we manage a rejection, because we are not a croquette, not everyone can like us. And not everyone can like the way we interact or flirt with them.”
«Also being able to tell someone ‘I love you’ even without referring to the physical. Touching the hair and other codes. Not everything is white or black, it is in the grey where we can play».
And it is that there is something that, on the banks of the London estuary, the sexologist reminds us: «You can have gestures of affection and tenderness without being coarse, we are looking to conquer, not fuck».
